Drunken Surgeon
by Narwhalo
Summary: When the one and only Alan Probe drinks his heart out at a bar Amateur Surgeon Fanfic Rated T for alcohol references


It is 7:36 PM in the big city which is Bleedmore. Moths were hogging the street lamps while rats were having their restaurant food from the dumpsters. The pack of rats saw headlights and scampered away when the car passed by. It was a white and blue car, with some hospital styled stickers on it. The driver? It was a surgeon, not any surgeon, The one and only, Dr. Alan Probe. But Alan wasn't looking real tidy at all. His hair was messier than before, he was drooling excessively, his eyes were half-lidded, and he was slouching towards the wheel. He had his phone in his hand trying to text his husband, Hubris D'Obscene.

Alan: Hey Hubris I'll be home in 5 minutes!

Hubris: Alan? Where are you at?

Alan: I'm on my way home from dancing with penguins!

Hubris: What??

Alan: I sipped a lot of delicious cocktails too! They were fruity and tasty! And now I'm WAAAASTED!

Hubris: ALAN YOU SHOULD NOT BE DRIVING WHILE DRUNK!

Alan giggled childishly as he was speeding, he zipped past a police car, where a cop was inside. He saw the car speeding 20 more than the speed limit and began chasing Alan. Alan saw the flashing red and blue lights. "Oh, sweet a rave!" He stopped his car and got out. Only to see his friend, Officer Hack Brutality step out and see the Surgeon. "Wanna party?" The drunk surgeon said as he was playing air guitar. Brutality only stared at Alan with a stare, since it was probably Alan's first-time speeding, he would let Alan off with a warning. "LET'S GET NAKED!" Alan yelled as he was taking his shirt off, causing Brutality to give Alan a stare.

Hubris, who was watching comedy shows heard door knocking and got up, combing his messy hair with his hand and opened the door, only to be greeted by Brutality and Alan. "Huh!? Officer!?" Hubris said in shock. "Calm Down, D'Obscene, Alan was driving while heavily drunk, so I took him in my car and return him to you, so he won't get hurt" Brutality said as he let Alan in, who was stumbling. "HUBRIS! A WALKING TALKING NARWHAL TRIED TO ABDUCT ME AND SELL ME TO COWS!" Alan yelled as he ran under the bed while hiccupping.

Hubris thanked Brutality as the cop got back into his car and drove off. "Hey Hubris, I had the best day EVAR!!" Alan told Hubris while he crawled from under the bed and stood up, only for him to fall onto the bed while shaking. "I... Can tell" Hubris replied as he saw his husband giggle and rub the walls.

"Alan, Alan sweetie." Hubris said as he laid Alan down, stomach up. "How many fingers do I have?" Hubris said as he held his hand towards Alan's face. Alan replied with "95" Hubris shook his head and said "Alan, you're drunk.". Alan was laughing again as he took his surgeon's coat off along with his blue undershirt, where you can see the staple marks from his surgery on his stomach and his pizza cutter tattoo on his collarbone. Alan put on his white shirt as he fell again and flailed. Hubris picked up Alan and placed him onto the bed. Alan saw his pug, Mr. Giblets walk up to him and lick his face. Alan got up and said "Pikachu?!". Hubris wanted to laugh at how his drunk Husband was acting. Alan picked up Giblets and yelled "PIKACHU I CHOOE YOU!!" and chucked Giblets across the room only for Hubris to catch him. Giblets turned his head in confusion and hopped off. "Alan what in sweet baby's name was that for!?' Hubris exclaimed at Alan.

Alan said nothing except a "I'm hungry" reply. Hubris laid Alan down on the bed and kissed him, his nose getting tickled by Alan's stubble. "I'll cook you something, my dear sweet idiot ~" Hubris purred as he got up and got some mushrooms out of the fridge and began to make mushroom stew for him and Alan. Hubris looked back and Alan was staring at the wall.

Alan saw Hubris and got up, walking to Hubris as he was swaying side to side. "I'll help you sweetie" Alan said while turning on the gas stove. Hubris watched Alan stumble around, due to him being drunk. Alan got out a plastic bowl and held it over the flames. Hubris screamed and snatched the bowl before it caught on fire and put it back.

Alan walked around the house while groaning and swaying and saw one of Hubris's pet rats and looked at him dead in the eye. "REMY…IS THAT YOU?" Alan said while holding the rodent. He then walked back to the kitchen where Hubris was stirring the soup. "HUBRIS LOOK WHAT I FOUND!" Hubris looked back to see Alan holding one of his pet rats and screamed. "I FOUNF REMY" Alan told Hubris as the rat was really confused on what's happening. Alan then began dangling the rodent over the pot, causing Hubris to scream. Hubris grabbed the brown-and-white rat and began petting him. "I'm sorry Alan tried to put you in a pot of bubbling soup, Hubris Jr" Hubris whimpered at Hubris Jr, who sneezed.

Hubris kneeled and let Hubris Jr scatter off back into his room. Hubris looked back to see Alan jumping on the bed, and not so soon after launch himself at the wall, causing his husband to scream. Hubris ran to Alan, who was groaning and laid him on his back, he was cross eyed and had a cut on his face, but he looked okay. Hubris picked up Alan and laid him onto the bed and tucked him onto his warm blankets and sheets. He turned the TV to Alan's favorite comedy movie and went back to cooking.

(AN HALF HOUR LATER)

Some time passed and Alan is in the bed and Hubris was pouring the cooked soup into a bowl as he was humming a small lullaby. Hubris walked to the Bed and put the bowls of soup on a nightstand, then laid down on it. He kissed Alan right on the cheek, getting tickled by his stubble once again. Alan's face felt warmer than before, maybe due from Hubris kissing him. Alan went and smooched Hubris right on the lips, causing Hubris to be flushed and kiss back.

Hubris grabbed hi bowl of soup and began sipping it (Real men drink their soup hahaha), while Alan had some trouble (cuZ HES DRUNK). Hubris still had the comedy show on, and was letting out some chuckles and laughs, along with Alan. Alan was leaning on Hubris, blushing along with him. Mr. Giblets has walked in and jumped on the bed and laid down, the brain in the jar floating in the gel some.

Hubris looked back at his drunk sweet idiot, who looked at him completely flushed and blushed. This night sure was quite.


End file.
